Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
