Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Drake has all the answers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
