I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
