he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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