Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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