Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
