I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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