He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
