Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
