So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
