Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
