Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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