I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
