I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im part way to drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
