she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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