I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
