There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
