I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
