I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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