Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
