It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
