I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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