I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
