Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
