so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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