i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
