i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
