Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
