Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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