I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
