He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
