using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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