did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
