Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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