actually, I'm a sock model
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
