Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
