3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
