I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
