I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
