if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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