If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
