Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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