And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Holy shit dude........stairs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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