how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
