I'm going to jail i love you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
