I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
