Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
