FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
