You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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