I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
