But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
