YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sext me about skeletons
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
